- dad: -gives me 6 singles-
- me: dad, are you a stripper? do we need to talk about this?
- dad: no, if I was a stripper I would only have 10s and 20s
- dad: because I'd be damn good
Apr 29, 20127,348 notes
#elijah wood #sean astin #viggo mortensen #john rhys davies #dominic monaghan #billy boyd #orlando bloom #sean bean #ian mckellen #ian holm #liv tyler #hugo weaving #andy serkis #craig parker #cate blanchett #marton csokas #david wenham #bernard hill #john noble #brad dourif #miranda otto #karl urban #christopher lee #sala baker
“Obama fielded a facetious question from then-CEO Eric Schmidt: “What is the most efficient way to sort a million 32-bit integers?” Schmidt was having a bit of fun, but before he could move on to a real question, Obama stopped him. “Well, I think the bubble sort would be the wrong way to go,” he said—correctly. Schmidt put his hand to his forehead in disbelief, and the room erupted in raucous applause.” —
Obama is a True Nerd!
“Here’s the thing about jokes. They only work when they’re aiming up. I wrote this in another piece recently, but I’m just going to plagiarize myself: People in positions of power simply cannot make jokes at the expense of the powerless. That’s why, at a company party, you never have a roast where the CEO is roasting the janitor (“Isn’t it funny how Steve can barely feed his family? This guy knows what I’m talking about!” [points to other janitor]). Because that would be GROSS, and both janitors would have to work late to clean up everyone’s barf. Open-mic comedians, I know you think you’re part of some fresh vanguard in alternative comedy who just discovered that a lot of black ladies don’t like it when you touch their hair, but pleeeeeeease just stick to stuff about how your stupid girlfriend is a bitch. (Just kidding. Please never speak again.)” —A Complete Guide to ‘Hipster Racism’